


One Foot Away

by 134340inTEARs



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15302547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/134340inTEARs/pseuds/134340inTEARs
Summary: Richie is in front of Eddie Kaspbrak's house, and he remembers what happened.





	One Foot Away

It was 5 o’clock in the morning and Richie was standing in front of Eddie’s house, again. Zero expressions. He didn’t know why he was there. His legs brought him there as if they knew they had to, just like every other day. He couldn’t do anything against. If someone saw him from the outside, they would say he was a creeper trying to steal something from that house. His breath was heavy. The floor seemed collapsing under his toes. He was almost having a panic attack just by imagining Eddie coming out of the house with an angry expression, yelling at him for not going to _his day_. Richie had no tears left to cry. All he had now were bags under his eyes from no sleep and a sad expression. Eyes full of emptiness.

Eddie wasn’t there. Eddie wasn’t behind the door. Eddie wouldn’t come out. Eddie was gone for good. Because Eddie died 10 years ago and Richie couldn’t dare to go to _his funeral_. Instead, he started going to the Kaspbrak’s old house, because all of their moments were there. His mother, later on, moved when he died, not handling being so close to everything Eddie touched, Richie included.

Richie felt so lonely, even though the Losers were still there, he stopped talking to them. It felt wrong without his Eddie there. Without someone to put his arm around and someone to annoy every single hour of the day. And also, not having someone he loved so much to talk about everything. Because they had that thing of talking nonsense things.

Couple years ago, Eddie’s mother found out about them. The two not alike boys that loved each other. Richie was sneaking into Eddie’s room and his mother entered the just in time and saw him. Richie felt so scared, and so did Eddie, that was sitting on his chair’s desk, with a smile on his lips moments before while looking at the window. Watching his lover going into his room to spend the night.

_“What are you doing here?!” She yelled at the boy, coming to him. Almost wanting to throw him of the window._

_“I-” Richie couldn’t say any words. He just froze on the window. Fear on his body._

_“Go, Rich.” Eddie said tenderly to the boy he so much loved. And Richie left, blaming himself all the way to his home. He cried out._

_Sonia held his wrist too tight. “No! Stop. Let go of my wrist!” He shouted in pain. Tears were falling off his cheeks. Eddie was now on his feet, glaring at his mother’s face._

_“Eddie, sweetie. You’re not gay. Right?” His mother seemed possessed with anger. She was trying to let her words sound calm, but she could be scarier than Eddie’s biggest fear._

_“Let me go.” He cried as he begged._

_“Right?” She said, throwing Eddie’s body onto the floor._

_He looked up, scared. “Please, stop this.”_

_“You won’t leave this place, and won’t receive anyone here. You hear me? My son is not gay!” She ignored his words and went straight to the window, closing it and breaking the lock so it wouldn’t open again. After, she left the bedroom and locked Eddie inside._

_Eddie was going insane. The last thing he had said to his lover was a_ Go _. The walls seemed to be getting closer and closer. His asthma was acting again. But he remembered he had left the aspirator on the bathroom, outside his bedroom, which the door was locked. He felt his chest hurt. He couldn’t stop crying in pain. He wanted to scream but his tight lungs wouldn’t let him. Eddie was suffocating._

_He stood up, with the last strength his body had and crawled on his feet, slowly due to exhaustion, to the window he was staring at. He was thinking. And as he thought, he fell on his knees, needing to rest. So he would spend the night that way. Tired. Only thinking about ways to escape. And he succeeded. He knew his mother would leave home to work in the morning, so when he heard her close the front door, he went to get something. He grabbed his desk lamp and threw it at the window, breaking the glass. Sonia wasn’t that smart. Eddie then grabbed a shirt, rolling it on his fist to clean the rest glasses pointed on the window, so he wouldn’t hurt himself – not that really mattered but even if he stopped believing his mother, he still was scared of getting an infection – he got rid of the shirt, abandoning it somewhere on his room and left through the window, carefully._

_Eddie ran away from home. He ran as much as he could until his legs felt numb. He stopped at the bridge that separated Maine from another country. He didn’t even think of going to Richie’s. He was too scared and too messy at this moment to look at his eyes. He had something in mind. Eddie was focused, even if it didn’t seem like that._

_“I’m so sorry, Rich.” Eddie was stuttering louder than he thought he was. His chest was burning. He hated him for what he was doing, but he couldn’t take any more days of having to deal with his mother. With the fact of everyone thinking being gay is the most dangerous and viruses thing in the whole world. Being gay is not a disease. And he hated people thought that more than he hated what he was about to do. “I’m really sorry, my love.” He cried again, not containing his tears. He almost couldn’t see a damn thing. His feet were blurry. Everything was at that point. And the fog was not being a helper at the time. He hoped no one was looking at him that moment. He wanted to be in piece, for one second. He wanted to feel happy, for one second.  
He felt happiness other times, when he was with Richie. But the other whole time when Richie couldn’t be by his side, he never felt so… devastated. He seriously thought he never got to happiness pitch. Not even the happiness he felt beside Richie was enough. – Because he felt like they weren’t being them. They always had to hide it away, every moment they had. Even from their friends. They couldn’t breathe. – So Eddie was there, standing at the side limit of the bridge. Feet on top of the security wall, so you wouldn’t fall while walking by. He was looking at the water beneath him. It wasn’t the best way to die. Nor the smartest. But he had no other choice. This was the furthest from his mother. – And from his lover, Richie. – He took a deep breath. Feeling uneasy. He was scared, of course he was. He never thought of dying, at least never thought of actually doing it. But there he was. He thought he could be stronger than that. He really thought there could be another way to be happy. Being alive. But there isn’t. Not in Maine. Not with his mother. Not with the need of hiding his feelings toward someone. Maybe he could be happy someday, far away from there. Maybe in another life. But he also didn’t believe that. “I’ll always love you.” Eddie thought one last time. Of course his last thought would be of his lover’s smile. Maybe also of his glasses falling from his nose. And maybe some past moments of them together. Like that one, when Richie couldn’t stop annoying the shit out of him, not shutting up for one second, always repeating his name._

> Richie was so close to Eddie, almost to the point of feeling each other’s breath. His glasses were almost falling from his nose due having to be leaned down, with his head lowered. Eddie was so small. Richie always made fun of that, because he was taller. He always had to stand like this if he wanted to look closely at Eddie’s face, almost hurting his neck. He felt wrynecks a lot of times, but it wasn’t important, not for Richie when Eddie was the cause. “Eds.” He called the boy beneath him and laughed. The boy was not paying any attention. It seemed like he was on a dream he couldn’t wake up. He sighed. Eddie had these kind of reactions almost every time they were together. And he reacted that way because their bodies were so close to touching. It was like only a really tiny and thin transparent glass was on their way, making a touch impossible for their bodies. It frustrated Eddie. But it also made him swallow. “Eeeeeeeeeeeds!” Richie called again more precisely and funny. Eddie had been the whole time looking at Richie’s chest. “Eds. Eds. Eds. Ed-” He was cut out. “What!” Eddie yelled and looked up so he could glare Richie’s eyes. He regretted the second after. He felt even smaller looking at him like that. So close. So purely. “Stop calling me that.” Eddie grumbled, trying to fade away how he felt. “Eds.” Richie laughed as he said again, but Eddie didn’t. He was too serious. “Eddie.” He now said slower, clearer and he wasn’t laughing anymore. Only staring with a serious expression at his face. Which he so loved. 

_Eddie smiled at the thought. But he pushed it away as he knew he couldn’t let those kind of things get to him. He didn’t want to fail on that too. He was so close. One more step and that was it. He couldn’t just throw everything to trash. He took a really deep breath and looked again at the water, noticing he had been looking this whole time at the sky. It was grey. Perfect for the occasion. Eddie couldn’t take any more moment of trying to appreciate of what was left of his life. If he did any longer, maybe he would stop, maybe that courage would fade away and he would coward himself. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to look at Richie after almost dying. It would destroy him even more. And he couldn’t take that. He knew he wouldn’t handle such thing. He wouldn’t handle any more pills his mother would make him take, as if he was so sick. So he breathed again, now slower. There wasn’t rush but he felt like if it wasn’t now, it probably would never happen. He thought, now definitely one last time, of Richie. He thought of every little part of him. Every detail. And smiled. He smiled as he thought, one last time, of Richie. And jumped. He jumped, feeling freely. Finally feeling like he could breathe. Even if he couldn’t anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! TEAR.


End file.
